Well.. this is what I wanted!

The only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life is teach.  My grandmothers were both teachers.  My older sister taught school for a few years and I have worked in an elementary school for the past four years.  I am not short of experience on teaching.  As a piano teacher, as a primary teacher, as a group leader at CHASP and PTC, as a merit badge counselor and area director, helping my sister in her classroom, helping my mom with her ESL and reading groups.. You think I'd be super good at this?  Right? 

I have always considered my self a natural at this.  So why am I all of a sudden stuck in a rut- struggling to come up with lesson plans (my usual creativity is shot :P), staying awake all night long panicking- hoping my lesson actually works and procrastinating worse than ever??   Maybe I have just hit burnout.  5 years of college is taking it's toll.  I want to be DONE!

Maybe things will be better when I graduate (if that happens) and I have my OWN classroom.  Right now I am in another teacher's class.  I teach spontaneous lessons.  I can't stay as much as I wish I could because I have another class and a job that I am trying keep- so that I can pay to student teach next semester!  I have had 2 1/2 weeks to teach 8 lessons.  I have taught 2.  Ug.  If I had my own classroom things would be better.   But I'm not there yet! And I will never be there unless I can pick my self up and FINISH what I've started.  I am sooo close.  Graduation looms a mere 6 months away.  I want be a good student teacher.  I want to be as good as my super awesome, middle aged, teacher pet classmates.  I want to wear that Wildcat purple and accept my diploma! 

But instead-  I am blogging.  Instead of preparing for my lessons.  Maybe it is the onset of my horrible seasonal depression, maybe I am just lazy, maybe I don't care anymore.  But I need to be better, because I am so close.  But yet so far.

"Lights On" for Afterschool!

Did you know that over 70 percent of students today go home an empty house because their parents are working? 

Did you know that only 9 percent of those children are enrolled in Afterschool programs?


Studies show that kids involved in Afterschool programs are far more likely to stay away from drugs, alcohol and gangs.  They get better grades and have better social skills as well.  Afterschool programs provide a safe, supportive and fun environment for kids.

Every weekday I get to spend time with some of the most creative, talented and enthusiastic kids I have ever met.  They teach me patience and love.  I see the challenges they face in their lives- broken homes, poverty, parents in prison or parents suffering with addictions.  They make me want to be stronger and happier.

They use Afterschool to do their homework.  I get to help them with it, and help them to make sure that they understand and do it correctly.  I love when they come to me at the end of the quarter and tell me the good grades that they got.  I plan academic time and teach them new things, help them to understand old concepts, practice math facts, learn how to research, explore new books, and play games.

Kids from kindergarten to 6th grade attend our program.  They are separated into their grades for snack and academic time but come together at recess and group activities.  The kids don't care what grades the other kids are in- they all play together.  Second graders play with fifth grade and kindergarteners with third graders.  They are all a big group of friends.  The younger ones learn from the older ones and vise versa.  They don't hang out during school, but they come together at Afterschool.  It is so cute! 

I love the hugs I get from them.  I love how excited some of the kids are to see me.  It makes me feel special.  Some of these kids need hugs soo much.  I am glad that I can be there for them.  I love to talk to them, get to know them, their likes, dislikes, talents, background.

I love the staff.  There only nine of us and we're all pretty good friends.  We play games of basketball after all the kids leave and eat lunch and talk to each other before the kids come.  We help each other and support each other and fill in for each other when necessary.   We go to trainings together.  In September we went to Provo for the day for Jumpstart conference.  Last spring I went to Florida for a conference.  Amazing experience.

A couple of weeks ago we put on our annual 'Lights On' program.  It was a Halloween carnival.  We have booths of fun games and some of the kids did an amazing dance.  'Lights On' is designed to show the community how important Afterschool Programs are.  I am so  proud to be a member of the National Afterschool Association and to be a group leader at Club Heights After School Program.  aka:  CHASP :)

CHASP has been a HUGE blessing in my life.  It have provided me with income, friends, a purpose and fun.

When Life Gives you Lemons..

I want things that I can't have right now. 
I want to move out of my parents house into my own cute little house with my own cat where I would cook my own food and keep everything emmaculate.  But I don't have the money or the time right now so living in my parents house is what I need to do for the next year or so.  I want a brand new wardrobe so that I can look adorable every day.  But I don't have the money right now.  I want to be a teacher.  But I need to survive school first.  I want to go back to Philmont this summer.  Or Northern Teir, Florida Sea Base or Catalina Island.  But I need to stay local so that I can get a teaching job. 

I want to go on a mission.  However I know that I could make it work- I don't think that is what I am supposed to be doing at this time. 

Life is complicated and crazy and incredible and you don't always get what you want because you were born at a specific time in a specific place into a specific family for reasons that you can't always understand.  I can't just pack up and leave.. even though I sort of wish I could- because this where I am right now.  I need to make the absolute most of it. 

I want to be married.  Yes, I admit it.  Or at least have a boyfriend.  Or even dated...   BUT- let me complain in this blog and then I promise to shut up about the matter. 
Because I'm sure that LOTS of girls are experiencing exactly what I am.  I wish more than anything that a guy would ask me on a date.  It is painful to hear girls talking about the dates they've been on.  I hate 'dating ideas' and eternal marriage lessons in church and Institute because it seems so unrelistic to me right now.  I know how important marriage and families are and it is so sad that so many women don't get to experience that joy.  Sometimes it makes me so angry, how much the institute and the Single's wards pushes dating on us.  But it's necessary.  It's part of God's plan for us. 
So... as part of the 'new me' plan that I have in my head I am not allowed to feel sorry for myself.  I am not allowed to get angry at the girls that date or the boys that ignore me.  Because. it. doesn't. matter.  I am young and I have so much going for me that I just need to have faith that everything will work out.  I know that I'll be married someday.
Steps to Bethany Taylor's marriage plan.

#1 Stop complaining  and stop feeling sorry for myself
#2 Focus on being better. Study the scriptures more dilligently, be more meaningful in prayer and be a good student.  Graduate and get a good teaching job.
#3 Make myself more attractive to guys without complaining or being pittied.  Dress myself up, smile and learn how to flirt.  Gain more self confidence. 
#4 Have fun.  Hang out with friends and meet lots of people. Try to date, try online dating, having people set me up and even asking the guys out myself. 
#5 Eventually meet the right guy and get married. 


So last week a friend of mine died.  She was a group leader with me at Philmont this summer.  She was  the most obnoxious, outspoken, bossy I've ever known.  But she was sweet, friendly, funny and genuine- and I miss her.  She was 20 years old.  She was doing an internship for Disney Land.  She was riding her bike home from work and was hit by a car. 

That night I had a dream.  All of the group leaders were eating at our favorite chinese restuarant.  Maggie was with us.  We laughed and took pictures and enjoyed eachothers company. 

Live live to the fullest.  Don't stop and say 'what if', 'just wait-', or 'when'.  Be happy now.  Be the best person you can possibly be.  Don't complain, don't dream of only the future, and don't let the happy memories of today slip away. 

Because when life gives you lemons- make some gourmet lemonade. 

Top Five.. an insight into my strange thinking.

My blog is nothing too interesting.  I like to ramble.  :)

Top Five...

Greatest Inventions of all time:

The rubber spatula
The Big Mac
Contact Lenses
The ballpoint pen
Books.. (maybe thats not really an invention.. but whatever)

Best Movie Kisses

You've Got Mail..  "I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly."
The Cutting Edge   "You didn't have to do it" "Yes I did"  "Why?"  "Because I love you too"
The Proposal   "I'm Scared.. ", "Me too,"
Back to the Future.. nuff said.
The Parent Trap (new one)- 'cause kissing your ex in the rain after 12 years is pretty sweet.

Candy Bars

Snickers
5th avenue
Symphony with toffee
Twix
Does a Tootsi Roll count?

Books (fiction)

Holes, by Louis Sachar
Farmer Boy- by Laura Ingels Wilder
The Harry Potter series, by J.K.Rowling
James Herriot books
The Percy Jackson Series

Movies

Back to the Future
Mary Poppins
Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone
Return of the Jedi
Marley and Me

Wierd facts about me

I really, really love Twinkies. 
I sing along to the radio.
I am a compulsive doodler.
I rip off my finger nails constantly.
I constantly am thinking up stories.. and fanfics.. in my head.

Things I wish I could change right now

My relationship with certain siblings
Total awkwardness and a possible destoyed friendship
My motivation.  I wish I could do much better in school.
My wardrobe
My basketball skills..

Things that kids do that bug me

Poke me and repeat my name again and again and again.  Because I obviously didn't hear them the first time.
Make fun of eachother and then say "Just kidding!"
Running up behind me, jumping onto my back and nearly pushing me to the ground. 
Throwing dodge balls at you.. I know that is the point of the game.  But it is humiliating when the adults lose..
Asking for candy after everything they do.  Lousy reward systems. 

Things about kids that I love

When they laugh at my stupid jokes or sing along with me to goofy camp songs. 
Hugs
Willingness to help with whatever needs to be done.  Especially if it isn't for candy.
When they want to play with them on the playground.
When they actually do their homework.

Reasons I want to be a teacher

My own classroom.  Control.
I really love to teach.  And I'm pretty good at it.
So that I won't be a student anymore.  I'm a really lousy student.
Getting paid to teach instead of paying to teach.
Nurturing the young mind.  I love to see kids learn and be happy. 

Reasons why Level 3- Elementary Education at Weber State is a joke

3 hours in a science class coloring make believe animals
Expectations to write and turn in lesson plans when we haven't even been in the classroom yet.
Professors who call you 'gang' and won't let you use the backdoor during class.
Everything due the exact same week. 
Expecting us to integrate.. not every lesson can be integrated!!

Things I love about Ogden, Utah

The Mountains
25th street taco stands
The Union Station
An easy to follow street system
Awesome history rich in murders, ghosts, railroads, red light districts and Weber State.

Things I should be doing instead of blogging

Illustrating my picture book- due Friday
Studying my scriptures and working on getting through 'Jesus The Christ'
Kicking two cats out of my room
Sleeping..
tidying up the room and making sure I have clean clothes to wear tomorrow.

Reasons to love the Institute

Brother Thorpe
Free popcorn- I'm addicted.
Comfy chairs and awesome people to talk to all the time.
The amazing Spirit felt.
My Book of Mormon classmates.

Reasons Institute can annoy me.

Sister Seamon's 'dating ideas'.  Rub salt in the wound..
6:45 committee meetings.
Spending 20 minutes on anouncements and devotional. 
Singing 'Sweet Hour of Prayer' once a week.
Awkwardness now felt by sharing class with a certain guy.

Things I miss about Philmont

The Sunsets. 
Rachel Strayhall, Stephers Tobias, Lisa Barnes, Chun Man Chui and everyone else
My tent
Having meals prepared for me.  Tasty too.
Hiking.

Things I am not sure about

Passing the Praxis
Ever dating or getting married.
If I can really read 'Jesus the Christ' all the way through.
How I'm going to get salt dough by tomorrow..
River systems. 

Adjusting

I have only been gone 11 weeks but it feels sooo much longer than that!  I feel like I lived in another world and yet coming back home feels- at the same time- like I have never left.  I still hold on to every memory of the summer tight like I can't let it go; I don't want to ever forget the friends, the kids, and the experiences I had in New Mexico.
I am struggling with sleeping.  The room feels so hot and the walls cave in around me and I miss my canvas tent.  I miss the wind whipping against the flaps and the cool, desert night air seeping through my zipped open window- and the sounds of the night: wind, bugs, coyotes and the often present sound of thunder rolling across the flat desert and crashing into the surrounding mountains and mesas.
I miss seeing my best friends every day.  I miss their laugh, their smiles and their wit and banter.  I miss the kids: singing songs, playing games and hiking.  I even miss the uniform, the same red polo that the other 1200 staff memebers were wearing.  I miss feeling stress free and happy.  No school or work or money problems because I put all my focus and energy into living in the moment, being an awesome group leader and having a great summer with my new best friends. 

I am super excited for school.  I student teach in the spring and things are starting to feel like they are clicking into place.  I am ready to head back to CHASP and even teach piano again.  But I feel slightly lost and the readjusting is tougher than I thought. 

Phimont Here's to Thee..

Silver on the sage

Starlit skies above

Aspen covered hills

Country that I love.. 

Philmont here's to thee

Scouting Paradise

Out in God's country... 

Tonight. 


I don't ever know where to begin.  I spent my summer 600 miles away- living in the desert and in a canvas tent.  I was part of a team of over 1200 people all wearing identical red polo shirts, coming from every state and hundreds from across the world.  I worked at Philmont Scout Ranch in Cimarron New Mexico.  I drove down there not knowing a single soul, not knowing what to expect.  I figured that because I had worked at scout camp for seven years, spent three years working at an Afterschool program and majoring in Elementary Education that being a Philmont Training Center (PTC from here on out) would be easy.  I had a lot to learn.  However, I didn't just learn about how to work with kids, I learned more about my self than I ever imagined possible. 

Philmont is massive.  It is bigger than most people think it is, nearly 150 thousand acres of land donated by mr. Waite Phillips in 1938 and originally named "Philturn Rocky Mountain Scout Camp".  Over the years the Ranch grew and so did it's reputation.  Philmont is a place where scouts, venturing crews and individuals can come to experience a number of different kinds of backpacking treks from a short 5 night adventure to a 21 day physical and mental challenge called "Rayado".  Last summer me and my cousin Debbie had the opportunity to complete a 'Mountain Trek' and I couldn't stay away from the beauty of Philmont. 

This summer I was a Group Leader at the PTC.  Participants come in from all over the country to take part in different classes and conferences that go on all summer long.  They bring their families with them and my job comes into play.  Each week I am assigned to a different age group.  We work together in groups of about 2 or 3 GLs to take a group of kids.  We hike, we do Handicraft, pony/horse rides, archery and pellet guns, tour through the Villa Philmonte and even go on overnighters with the older kids, and play games and sing songs all week long.  Best. Job.  Ever.    I loved every group that I got and I worked pretty well with the other GLs- we all became best friends, the 24 of us. 

The hardest part of being a Group Leader was learning to work with others and accept their styes of teaching and leadership.  It was easy to butt heads sometimes but it taught me to accept differences in others and to communicate and collaborate.  I loved the kids.  Each week was so very different and it was cool to meet kids from all over the place- I even worked with a litte boy from England!  I can't wait to be a teacher!

Working with the kids was fantastic but that isn't where I learned who I was.  Being in New Mexico- so far away from home and far away from the bubble of Utah- I was able to really understand my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  1200 staff member, 60 of us were Mormon and even less that that number made it to our church group every Sunday Morning.  At PTC my best friends became the other LDS people.  Lisa, Jess, Lesly, Stephers, Chun Man, Ryan and Amanda.  We had a chapel and a Chaplain.  His name was Elder Wilson and he and his wife became my temporary parents for the summer.  Each Sunday morning we met for two hours and had Sunday School, Relief Society and we partook of the Sacrament.  It was an incredible experience.  Our numbers were few- perhaps only ten to twenty of us that could attend church each week.  You see at Phimont, Sunday is just another day of the week.  Luckily- I got it off most of the time.  We were also able to attend Family Home Evening each Monday evening (when my schedule allowed it) and and Institute class on Leadership. 

At Philmont- it can be very hard to stand up for who you are.  I had never realized how common it is to use the Fword in daily vocabulary, how popular it is to go out drinking on the weekends and how commonplace it is to get a tatoo of the Phimont arrowhead or the Zhia- the the New Mexican sun. Right off the bat, people will learn that you are one of those 'Darn der Marmans', the 'Mo Mos', or the 'Mormon kids'.  People ask questions and you have to be ready.  I wasn't expecting Philmont to be a mission, but it was just that.  Every day I was an example by what I said and how I acted.  People starred as I blessed my food at each meal and laughed as I used my Mormon euphemisms such as 'heck', 'darn' and 'shoot'.  My staunch Catholic roommate became my best friend and she was amazed by my nightly routine of journal, scripture study and prayer before I snuggled into bed. 

I gave away a few copies of the Book of Mormon and taken part in countess religious discussions- sharing my knowledge of the truthfulness of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  I never realized before that I had taken my religion for granted, that until this summer I had never been truly challenged in my beliefs.  But as I see thousands of other people who don't have the knowledge that I know- I hold tight to what I know because it brings me such incredible happiness.  I have listened to what others have to say about their own religion and all I can say is that what I know makes sense!  It is like some amazing, beautiful puzzle without a single piece missing from it!  It is all here and we only need to turn to the Lord to find true happiness! 

I had that opportunity to perform Baptisms for the Dead at the Denver Temple with my LDS groupies and best friends.  I remember sitting there in white, waiting for my turn.  Me and my best friend Stephers flipping through the Temple issue of the Ensign- and how together we broke down crying, feeling the Spirit so strongly and talking to each other about how we had never fully comprehended how important it all is. 

I was able to be a missionary to a 13 year old boy and send him home with a Book of Mormon, explain to the Gospel to my roommates sister, explain my CTR necklace to hundreds, teach someone how to pray, attend a Catholic mass and realize how important Priesthood authority is.  I can't even explain everything that I learned about my self and my testimony from Philmont.  But I am stronger, and happier and more understanding of the Gospel than I ever have been in my entire life.  The Church is sooo true!! 


Back to Philmont.. what did I do this summer?/

Hiked the 'Tooth of Time'
Hiked 'Baldy Mountain' 12441 feet tall.  Hardest thing I've ever done.
Explored the city of Santa Fe.
Slid down the Great Sand Dunes.
Played in Toas, New Mexico.
Ate at Wonderful House Chinese restaurant many, many times. 
Make best friends to last a lifetime.
Learned to country dance.  I can two step! 
Finay saw 'Follow me boys'.
Bushwacked up the side of a mountain.
Played with ponies, goats, chickens and cows. \
Swam in beautiful lake.
Got a tan.
Learned to flyfish.
Went horseback riding.
Slept in a tent all summer.
Backpacked.
Visited 9 staff camps.
Learned awesome new games and songs.
And Sooo much more!

Yeah, Philmont sort of changed my life ;)

Wind in whispering pines, 

Eagles soaring high, 

Purple mountains rise, 

Against as azure sky.

Phimont here's to thee,

Scouting Paradise..

Out in God's Country..

Tonight. 

Excited for things to come!

While I should be cleaning my room, or doing my astronomy homework or washing my clothes- I am blogging.

I've been pretty depressed lately, but like I said before I need to keep myself excited by the little things in life.  Lately I am getting really excited for everything that is coming my way.  I have some adventures coming and I can't wait experience them!

-Trip to Rexburg on Saturday to see Dani and Ariel
-Emily's wedding
-Spring!
-Afterschool Conference in Orlando Florida- all expenses paid trip to Florida!! 
-Ward campout down in Moab in May!
-Family trip to Bear Lake (hopefully)
-My summer down in Philmont working in New Mexico!
-hopefully a drive to Cor d'lane to see my cousin and her baby
-seeing friends get engaged and married and have babies
-making new friends

I have alot to be grateful for, I just need to remember!