The only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life is teach. My grandmothers were both teachers. My older sister taught school for a few years and I have worked in an elementary school for the past four years. I am not short of experience on teaching. As a piano teacher, as a primary teacher, as a group leader at CHASP and PTC, as a merit badge counselor and area director, helping my sister in her classroom, helping my mom with her ESL and reading groups.. You think I'd be super good at this? Right?
I have always considered my self a natural at this. So why am I all of a sudden stuck in a rut- struggling to come up with lesson plans (my usual creativity is shot :P), staying awake all night long panicking- hoping my lesson actually works and procrastinating worse than ever?? Maybe I have just hit burnout. 5 years of college is taking it's toll. I want to be DONE!
Maybe things will be better when I graduate (if that happens) and I have my OWN classroom. Right now I am in another teacher's class. I teach spontaneous lessons. I can't stay as much as I wish I could because I have another class and a job that I am trying keep- so that I can pay to student teach next semester! I have had 2 1/2 weeks to teach 8 lessons. I have taught 2. Ug. If I had my own classroom things would be better. But I'm not there yet! And I will never be there unless I can pick my self up and FINISH what I've started. I am sooo close. Graduation looms a mere 6 months away. I want be a good student teacher. I want to be as good as my super awesome, middle aged, teacher pet classmates. I want to wear that Wildcat purple and accept my diploma!
But instead- I am blogging. Instead of preparing for my lessons. Maybe it is the onset of my horrible seasonal depression, maybe I am just lazy, maybe I don't care anymore. But I need to be better, because I am so close. But yet so far.
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